Another WikiLeak: Afridi-Gilani cable hacked

WikiLeaks has gone the multinational corporation way by investing heavily in Asian markets. The trick seems to have worked for the whistle-blower website, with most humor bloggers and the not-so-humorous bloggers using the "(Famous Person) does the (infamous thing) - latest WikiLeaks revelations" template for their posts, when desperately out of ideas. Here's the latest WikiLeaks revelation.

Pakistan Prime Minister Yousuf Raza Gilani called up U.S. President Barack Obama and asked for immediate financial assistance in wake of the India VS Pakistan semi-finals cricket encounter. Mr. Gilani is alleged to have promised President Obama that the money given would be used strictly for development of internet centers, buying millions of computers, and training Pakistanis on how to use Facebook. The reason behind this was found from another WikiLeaks cable-hack between Pakistan captain Shahid Afridi and PM Yousuf Gilani.

Afridi is believed to told a shocked PM Gilani about Pakistan's exit from the semi-finals on basis of polls on popular social networking site Facebook. He further urged Mr. Gilani to ensure that all the Pakistanis in the world participated in the poll and ensure that Pakistan came head-to-head with India in the polls. When Gilani asked Afridi to walk the talk and immediately vote for Pakistan in the poll, Afridi irritated the PM by saying that he was just 12 years old, and was legally not allowed to use websites.

Meanwhile, US has rubbished the reports. A White House spokesman went on to say that, from their sources in India, they had learnt that Afridi never used Facebook. "Afridi WAS using the internet, but for other reasons. The FBI hacked his computer and submitted to us a list of key words he was using on Google search, which include, but are not limited to 'Hot Girls in Mohali', 'Hot women who love bearded men who lie about their ages', etc". In New Delhi, Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, now accustomed to being answerable for everything, held a press conference and spoke the following words: "Inflation is worrying, corruption is bad, WikiLeaks is wrong."

BCCI, after figuring out that the Facebook polls have been very beneficial to Indians, has pushed the ICC to use Facebook Polls instead of the hugely unpopular UDRS. N. Srinivasan, Board President has also hinted that the team management might soon use Polls to decide between Ashish Nehra and Piyush Chawla for water-boy role.

Ten Sports speaks. "Between overs ad" issue heatens up!

Ten Sports has replied to the show-cause notice issued against it for violating advertising laws. A briefing by Ten Sports lawyer Haridas revealed shocking insights into the root cause of ad-menace affecting millions of Indian cricket lovers. Excerpts of Mr. Haridas's briefing are presented below.

"ISI! Pakistan's ISI is responsible for diluting viewer's frame and congesting it with nonsensical ads. The ISI sends stealth planes across the border and above our stadiums. These planes come fitted with projectors, which project the static ads that one sees in the wicketkeepers end. These ads make a mockery out of Indian brands. Deliberately, the ISI chooses under-performing brands, screens it in prime overs, and influences Indian viewers' buying decisions. For example, a lot of people went ahead with choosing Tata DoCoMo after they saw DoCoMo ads appearing suddenly on either side of Dhoni's butt. But unfortunately, their networks don't seem to have coverage. By encouraging viewers to buy shit products, ISI forces other companies to manufacture similar shits, and thus is trying to make India a land of shit products and shit companies."

Indian skipper MS Dhoni, who was also present during the briefing, nodded furiously. "Well off course I dropped catches because of Sangeetha mobiles! I lost visibility of the ball due to overlapping colors. If the ISI wants to continue similar gimmicks, it must atleast make sure the ads don't have color shades that match the cricket ball's color."

Meanwhile, ISI had denied any sort of involvement in the matter. "Well their own people don't like to see Ashish Nehra or Ravindra Jadeja playing. So they try those Seagram on-the-pitch explosion type ads to try and kill their own cricketers. Must be the work of some expert hacker. Their CBI must try and find out who the hacker is from the Kill Ravindra Jadeja Facebook community."

Aakash Karat, a Communist party member said - "Technology of all sorts must be abolished. Its the people who matter. Broadcasters must stop showing the score, overs and batsmen-bowler details too. Nothing other than core cricket must be shown. This way, a lot of employment can be created by appointing freelance scorers for every home. The government must issue free blackboard and chalk pieces to these scorers so that they earn a decent living."