How do satirists impress girls??

Every man has a constant urge to impress his opposite sex. Every man has his own unique way of impressing women, using skill sets that he was either born with, or arts that he was forced to learn as a child because his parent's colleague's children were learning them too. Such skills or arts include music, dancing, karate, swimming, abacus, etc etc.

Now here is my question. How can a person, devoid of any of the above mentioned type of skills, impress girls? Well, I've been having problems impressing girls right from a very young age. Like from when I was 5 years old or so. The 10 to 15 years-older-than-me girls never found me cute. I mean, I was no match for Vignesh who would run around my apartment naked, chanting all countries-and-their-capitals, getting hair-ruffles or kisses from the gorgeous girls. Out of ambition, I remember I once removed all my clothes and ran around, but I couldn't really get the capitals right. After New Delhi, I could only say Chennai, and then Mambalam, Chromepet, Saidapet. Of course none noticed my antics except Giri, another poor boy who didn't know countries and capitals. Giri appointed me conductor, and himself driver and offered to play driver-conductor with me.

Relatively speaking, I can safely say I was born with a decent sense of humor and sarcasm. Yes, girls did laugh at some of the jokes, but I couldn't really get a move on. So satire or humor as an art for impressing chicks didn't work for me.

There was this fancy dress competition in school. On stage was Prabhu, dressed up as Lord Ganesha, left hand in mouth, right hand in 'blessing' posture as his parents had taught him, reciting "Gajananam bhootha ganaathi...", elongating every word for like 10 seconds. When he finally did finish, all the 10th to 12th standard 'akkas' ran to him and pinched his cheeks, with 'soooo cute' comments. I found him totally stupid! I mean, if he was Lord Ganesha, why was he reciting "Gajanam" and seeking his own blessings for himself?? It was my turn next. I was pretty confident I would get more cheek-pinches than Prabhu. I went on stage, forgot my lines, mistook the mike for a cone ice-cream, bit it, made everyone laugh, but well, no cheek-pinches. I realized my incompetency at that very young age.

Years passed by. While my friends were impressing girls dropping catches, singing the same song every annual day, writing the same "Is technology a boon or bane" essay every year, here I was, making fun of them, but unable to meet their popularity. One sudden day, I realized I have a talent too - satire. I remembered an artist friend of mine, passing on his album to girls, impressing every single one of them. I decided to follow suit. I planned to write a satire about Suresh Kalmadi, print it on flyers, and distribute it to every good looking girl I saw. But next day, there was some A.Raja and I realized people wouldn't really be able to connect with my satire about Kalmadi. I thought I'd become an artist too, atleast to impress girls. But beyond a point, I couldn't really innovate the two-mountains-orange sun-in-between-two crows art of mine.

So I really don't have another option other than satire. But hell, many girls don't even know what satire is!! Yeah, I do get positive comments from Tweeters and bloggers occasionally. But girls?? No-no. Unless Zulquarnin Haider disappears or re-appears on my annual day or culturals, and I'm allowed to live-stream my blog article on stage, I don't think I stand a chance.