Suraj Randiv and Queens Batons Relay!

Prime Minister Manmohan Singh has taken over as the Organizing Committee Head for the forthcoming Commonwealth Games. His appointment to the post has brought with it a slurry of changes. To begin with, the PM has appointed now & then India pacer S. Sreesanth as the Chief Appeals Commissioner. "Sreesanth has whole heartedly appealed (with passion) to the umpire when the ball has gone wide outside the leg stump. We see no reason why he can't appeal to the Indian public when we've missed the deadlines by a few months. Winning the hearts of the Indian people remains our first priority." , PM Office quoted.

Pranab Mukherjee has been appointed Chief Finance Officer. No surprises there! Mr. Mukherjee, who proposed the twin growth formula of inflation-inflation, has used all this experience to come up with a sure shot idea for boosting revenue. "The government plans to copyright words like corruption, black money and Suresh Kalmadi. The huge revenue generated from royalty would not only be sufficient to run the CWG, but the extra money could be deposited in the Prime Minister's Relief Fund, which in turn would be distributed to poverty struck, famine embracing MPs, who have been demanding a 300% rise in salary.

Interestingly, the Athletes Housing Directorate top post is being shared by two people - the directors of the Income Tax department & CBI. The department seems a relaxed lot. An AHD spokesperson said: "Ours is one of the easiest jobs. All we need to do is call up every MP & MLA in India and tell them we have a search warrant. We believe they won't be seen in any of their houses for at-least 3 months. All athletes will have the opportunity to live in their bungalows. "

The Food Committee is being handled by the Principal Secretary, Government of Tamilnadu. TN CM Kalaignar has graciously accepted to extend the Free Meals scheme for school children to participating atheletes also. The logistics for transporting meals everyday from Tamilnadu to New Delhi will be handled by Kalanidhi Maran acquired Spice Jet. Tamilnadu has another reason to be happy. The State, which has been consistently winning the Greenpeace Awards for maintaining 2 Earth hours everyday (thanks to Electricity Minister Arcot N. Veerasamy), has been chosen as the Training Center for the athletes.

Meanwhile, publicity for the Queen's Baton Relay might hit a low. Suraj Randiv has expressed his inability to participate in the QBR owing to Involuntary Elongation of his feet (popularly known in Sri Lankan medical circles as IEOF), after Sehwag reached 99. Lankan President Mahinda Rajapaksha, who takes a keen interest on Randiv, has recommended treatment by Buddhist monks to solve his problem. The good news is that Malinga has confirmed his participation in the javelin throw event.

TIMES NOW continues to search for A.R. Rahman's CWG theme song. The Chief Editor alleges that the murky trial links the theme song to Andrew Symonds' event management company(in which Harbhajan Singh's nephew has majority stake) and extends upto Kilimanjaro.

Beleaguered but shameless Lalit Modi, unaware of these latest developments, has offered to shift the whole tournament to South Africa within 10 days. The BCCI has rightly ordered all its players, umpires, pitch curators and fans to stay away from Lalit Modi.