Corruption Awards 2010

Finally, there's good news for corrupt bureaucrats, politicians, officers and middlemen. The Government of India has decided to initiate Corruption Awards from this year onwards, on lines of the Filmfare Awards. This, the government said, would be an inspiration for several thousand others in service to shine in corruption and successfully create the world's most powerful parallel economy. It is rumored that PM Manmohan Singh would be in charge of the awards ceremony, since he has nothing else to do anyway.

Inarguably, the Scandal of the Year Award is expected to be won by A.Raja and his team, for their fabulous performance in the 2G Scam. A.Raja, when contacted, said he would love to dedicate this award to his mentor Kalaignar Karunanidhi. Karunanidhi himself has been nominated for the Lifetime Achievement Awards in Corruption. The Emerging Corrupt Leaders Award might be shared by Doordarshan CEO B.S.Lalli and Army General Deepak Kapoor, for their roles in CWG scam and Adarsh Housing scam respectively. Meanwhile, B.S.Yedyurappa has alleged that he wasn't considered for the award just because he was from the Opposition Party. He has filed a lawsuit againt the PM for biased selection in the awards.

The Newcomer of the Year award has been confirmed to be won by Nira Radia, corporate lobbyist. With this, 2G scam awards tally moved to two. The Best Family entertainer award will be bagged by Team BCCI. Another award, for the institution with the minimum productivity and maximum strikes, goes to Neyveli Lignite Corporation. The poll for the People's Choice Award is still going on. The awards will be jointly sponsored by Loop Telecom, Department of Telecom and Emmar MGF, builders of CWG village buildings.

ICC's new anti-hide rules

Following the disappearance of Pakistani wicket-keeper Zulquarnin Haider, the ICC has announced a slew of new rules to keep players from disappearing before matches. To begin with, it has made it mandatory for all team managers to maintain attendance registers, with attendance being taken every over. The team managers have also been warned against proxy attendance, as was the case with the Pakistani team, when Shahzaib Hasan mimicked Haider's 'Present Sir' for a place in the team. Further, all players have been asked to submit passport size photos, for ID cards. ID cards have to be worn by all players during all times. "Abdomen guard forget? No problem. ID card forget? No attendance, no game, no party, no girls.", said ICC's newly appointed spokesman, apparently of Pakistani origin.

Further, ICC has banned players from playing 'hide & seek' during warm up sessions. Meanwhile Ashish Nehra thanked the BCCI for its influence in preventing this rule to be applied during matches. Nehra is well renown for hiding behind the boundary when the ball comes to him while fielding.

Going a step further, ICC has urged all teams to follow a disciplinarian attitude. "The ICC advices all players to form a line, with each one holding on to the forward person's shoulders, while going from hotel rooms to team bus." The ACSU department recommended improvisations to this rule to fight corruption. It said players must also have 'hands on their lips', to stop talking to bookies. "STAND-AT-EASE! ATTENTION! LEFT HAND FORWARD! RIGHT HAND ON YOUR LIPS! MARCH FORWARD!" - PCB has already started training PT masters, who would be accompanying the team hereon. Also, passports won't be given to the players in the middle of a tour, unless they submit written permission from parents or guardians. The ICC hopes these measures would be effective in curbing players' disappearances.

'2010: Year at a Glance' by Faking News

Similar to The Hindu's 'The Year in a Glance' publication, which it releases with the newspaper on the last day of every calender year, Faking News has decided to release its own version of The Year in a Glance. While The Hindu version would provide a gist of all important happenings in a chronological order, Faking News intends to release a chronological list of corruption around the country.

Faking News Chief Editor Pagal Patrakar has said that there was enough corruption news to cover every date in 2010. The lesser known/low public interest news would be in small font in black & white, while news-makers like Suresh Kalmadi & B.S. Yedyurappa would feature in larger fonts with passport sized caricature photos. No, there's further innovation. Every corruption news would be accompanied by a denial statement at the top, and funniest tweet about the corruption from satirists/common man at the bottom. If the publication is received well, FN also plans to release a CD of TIMES NOW coverage of corruptions in chronological order, in partnership with Moserbaer Home Entertainment.

Pagal Partakar said some pieces were very challenging, and required careful attention of the editor. For example, the ones like this: 10 AM: Adarsh Land Scam, 12 PM: CWG Audit, 2 PM: Kochi IPL. Faking News has also decided to dedicate a page to articles that made it to the news, inspite of BS Yedyurappa or Prasar Bharti CEO BS Lalli. Sources say the article featuring MS Dhoni-Sakshi photo at Goa beach might top the page. The penultimate page of the publication would be sponsored by VETA, India's no.1 English training institute. The page would feature a list of English words that the public managed to learn, thanks to non-stop flashing on news channels during corruption coverages. The last page would have internet links of the best satire blogs/websites which covered the corruption year 2010.

Meanwhile, Pagal Patrakar's secretary revealed to us that PP had submitted a written plea to the President, urging her to declare 2010 as The Year of Corruption and the Year of Satire Boom. The plea has been jointly signed by Twitter users @bigfatphoenix, @krishashok, @diogeneb among many others.